beginnings and endings

Sometimes beginnings and endings are so far apart. It takes two to three minutes for music to play, an hour at least for a movie to finish, 759 pages for Harry Potter's last book to be told. But it takes less than a second for a year to end and begin.

As with all things important. It takes just a second. It is that moment when decisions are made. the instant you cross the finish line. Everything else that happens are repercussions of seconds that we expend or realize.

Ive made no efforts to hide how shitty this year was. Yes of course there where surprisingly great events as well, but i will look back at 2010 most, of all the 27 years i have so far.

I will say this year shaped me. Big phrase to say when you're only 27. But i know it in my mind and in my heart that who i am in this moment is who i really am. I guess all the whiplash i went through and still am going through with myself and with my family toughened up the skin, my judgment and the senses.

2009 ended with an accident. We dealt with the most stupid and stubborn people on earth!!! So that was probably a sign of what my 2010 would look like :P

The year started with my uncle's death (my dad's brother). He was our excuse to drive all the way to Ilocos. Little did i know that going there last January for his funeral was and is probably the last time ill see my lola's ancestral house.

When i got back to manila, I was officially back in the workforce where, for the first time in my life, a person (my boss at that time) made me feel i was stupid. Never in my life have i been talked down to as much and as often. It really made me question myself and my purpose, dreading everyday she was there!!! 1 month in, i was already looking through jobstreet and jobsdb for openings elsewhere :P It was a blackhole of an office, stay too long, you could really lose yourself in there. Specially if youre someone who needs affirmation from a superior.

My younger brother got into an accident. He and all the passengers were safe which i could not say the same for the car. Total wreck :P

May was when our world spun and flipped over. My papa had a ruptured aneurysm. We spent months in the hospitals. The first time Mama started talking to us about finances. The first time i worried about money and all the hospital expenses. We, the 'kids' were asked to make decisions that could mean life or death. To operate or not. To transfer hospitals or not, etc. Consensus was to operate.

We had a successful operation for one of his aneurysms but he still has another one. As warned by the doctors, he had post operation pneumonia. It later led to sepsis and he went into a coma for almost 10 days. A tracheotomy was performed on him while he slept where the respirator was attached to, instead of having a tube down his throat. Day by day he was showing signs of activity and slowly opened his eyes and moved his hands :) Eventually he had to have a peg inserted through his tummy as well, so he could eat.

Months passed Papa learned to move his feet and arms and regained control of his neck. The day before papa was to me cleared to leave PGH, my older brother also got into an accident. He was safe, wrecked the other SUV, which is still being repaired until now! Again, because of drunk driving (what the hell is wrong with my brothers...).

Two weeks after we left PGH, we had a recurrence of pneumonia, brought him to the nearest hospital, PERApetual Help Hospital. Where we spent A LOT of money, but he didn't really get better. He was discharged and after 2 weeks or so, another bout of pneumonia came, brought him instead to Las Pinas Doctors where we were told his right lung had collapsed.

My other uncle died (mama's younger brother). He had been dealing with diabetes for years. Which he had been disregarding and didn't take care of. I must say i respect my mother better now. I think she respects me back as well. We converse more like adults, a far cry from the bickering that we always had as mother and daughter.

I ran a 21k fundraiser for papa that reached almost 14k that he used up in just two days for his antibiotics :P We were asked if we wanted to have another tracheotomy to make the hole bigger for easier suctioning with the risk of him not waking up again due to the anesthetic. There really was no choice, he was operated on and woke up from that operation. It became easier for him to breath as more phlegm was being suction out. Eventually his right lung was cleared and released just in time for my Kuya's wedding this December. He wore pants, long sleeves, a coat :) and shoes :) All eyes on him as he was wheeled down the aisle. He clapped when the couple kissed and threw flowers as they left the church :)

We are still praying for a full recovery. Hopefully the pneumonia will stop coming back so he can continue with his therapy :)

As for me, I decided that ill be running my first marathon march of next year. Finally experienced my first Spirits Ultimate Tourney! I was determined to find a better place to work and by November I transferred to a nearer and more advantageous job. Im officially in a relationship with someone who stayed with me through out this self building year. As i said, this year shaped me.

Right now im just waiting for that moment, looking forward to the second when 2010 ends and 2011 begins.